Not sure today

I have been going through many problems lately and I just can’t stand the fact that I feel my family, and the love we once had is slowing disappearing. My mother now has her new boyfriend/fiance , my sister I only see at church, and my dad whom I live with I hardly spend time with. I spend time with my friends but there is no love there, just relationships and such. I have yet to really understand the concept of being in love.

There is someone that even though I know.. it would never work out even if I tried. I still dream about the possibilities of it happening. I try to ignore the fact I have those dreams and such. It is almost as if I feel it was love at first sight before I even knew what love was. It was as if I felt connected to that person in some way but I just didn’t know back then.

I used to really be the shy guy when it came to women and going out on dates and etc. Let’s put it this way.. I’m not like that much any more but because people started so young dating and learning and etc about it all, now people are professionals compared to what my level is.

I don’t really know who I am anymore.. I grew up raised to be a good kid, with manners and just responsible and such. I did good while I was young but then as I grew older I began to dwindle down the ladder and falling away from who I used to be. I started ignoring what I should have been doing in high school which was paying attention and actually doing the work. Instead I spent 4-8 hours a day on my computer trying to learn more about the internet and domain names, websites and etc. I feel because of this venture into the internet and trying to make money instead of doing good school, I did poor in school. But I have to admit that if I didn’t follow this venture into the internet business, that I would never be able to go to school because I probably would not be able to afford it. My mother always said she would help me with school, but where was she when I needed her? Where is she now? Not in my life.

I honestly have to say that even though I had a family growing up, and friends, and even a girl friend. I still felt as if I was working alone in the world. To be the best I had to do it all on my own and I couldn’t depend on anyone for anything, and still till this day I somewhat feel like that. I try to take down my guard and trust people whom I know I can talk to or that can help me. I just feel overwhelmed with life and the responsabilities that come with it. Life.Death.Love.Laughter.

I recently deleted my Myspace and Facebook. I felt obligated to re-create them with who I really am, and just start fresh and whole. I will only add friends that I currently talk to, and as for the random people I had, sorry. I plan on updating them both today and adding the real Louie to them.