I have been going through many problems lately and I just can’t stand the fact that I feel my family, and the love we once had is slowing disappearing. My mother now has her new boyfriend/fiance , my sister I only see at church, and my dad whom I live with I hardly spend time with. I spend time with my friends but there is no love there, just relationships and such. I have yet to really understand the concept of being in love.

There is someone that even though I know.. it would never work out even if I tried. I still dream about the possibilities of it happening. I try to ignore the fact I have those dreams and such. It is almost as if I feel it was love at first sight before I even knew what love was. It was as if I felt connected to that person in some way but I just didn’t know back then.

I used to really be the shy guy when it came to women and going out on dates and etc. Let’s put it this way.. I’m not like that much any more but because people started so young dating and learning and etc about it all, now people are professionals compared to what my level is.

I don’t really know who I am anymore.. I grew up raised to be a good kid, with manners and just responsible and such. I did good while I was young but then as I grew older I began to dwindle down the ladder and falling away from who I used to be. I started ignoring what I should have been doing in high school which was paying attention and actually doing the work. Instead I spent 4-8 hours a day on my computer trying to learn more about the internet and domain names, websites and etc. I feel because of this venture into the internet and trying to make money instead of doing good school, I did poor in school. But I have to admit that if I didn’t follow this venture into the internet business, that I would never be able to go to school because I probably would not be able to afford it. My mother always said she would help me with school, but where was she when I needed her? Where is she now? Not in my life.

I honestly have to say that even though I had a family growing up, and friends, and even a girl friend. I still felt as if I was working alone in the world. To be the best I had to do it all on my own and I couldn’t depend on anyone for anything, and still till this day I somewhat feel like that. I try to take down my guard and trust people whom I know I can talk to or that can help me. I just feel overwhelmed with life and the responsabilities that come with it. Life.Death.Love.Laughter.

I recently deleted my Myspace and Facebook. I felt obligated to re-create them with who I really am, and just start fresh and whole. I will only add friends that I currently talk to, and as for the random people I had, sorry. I plan on updating them both today and adding the real Louie to them.

I honestly had something prepared to type about but my mind went blank…

recently I talked to someone who I don’t know.. never really would have expected to talk to but we get along good, even though its mainly through texting we talk her and their we can lol. I see how she is, and how my old friends are and it feels amazing that this new person I don’t even really know, cares and wants to get to know me, to be friends, more than my old friends did.

I am trying to become a better person, I want to make a difference in this world whether it be small or large I do not care, I know I am meant for something bigger than who I am right now. I know along the way of my successes and failures I have lost friends because the choices I have made were not the choices they wanted me to make. Had a friend whom I was best friends with since 4th grade, we were brothers. He went one way and I went another over the years, and we tried to keep our friendship but the older we got the more distant we became. He fooled around and I didn’t. He doesn’t work, I do. I got my FIRST girlfriend and he had a problem with that because i dont know maybe he thought I was putting her ahead of him. We stopped talking for a long time, his birthday passed and I did not call him, I saw no reason to go back to being treated like shit for the choices I made he did not like. He called me for my birthday, and so I called him back to thank him. We became friends again like before, but then problems arose. He became good friends with a new guy, someone who was only bringing him down in life and not up, he started smoking a lot and tried to get me into it, I started smoking hookah tabacco and was fine because I got to hangout with my friend but then realized why should I be doing something I hated for YEARS just to try and fit it, to try and keep my friend. I shouldn’t have to become someone I am not to keep a friendship.

I tried to help him, to get a job. He didn’t care. I tried to help him sign up for school. He didn’t care. He was to interested in getting high with his new buddy that we don’t even talk anymore. It has been a few months again but I think now it is going to be permanent. I am starting to realize people do not change for ANYONE, all we do is adapt and try to keep what we had but acquire the new things we have to to keep moving forward down our road called life.

To think, this girl that has only talked to me for a week, doesn’t care about how I am, what I am, or my faults. She listens and she doesn’t even know me. Yet my friend from 4th grade doesn’t even give a hoot if I am going to be alive or dead tomorrow. I guess it is true, the older you get, you have no friends. You know people, but they are not your friends. The only people you can truly call friends are the ones that actually care about you as a person, and the relationship between you.

I am sorry to all of you, I lost my best friend, but I gained another.

I also lost my ex-girlfriend who was my best friend, I did everything for her. I believe that the person you are with and you marry is your best friend for life, you can talk about anything together, you do everything together. You could not live one moment of your life without that person by your side, and that is how I knew me and her were not meant to be together. She did not need me in her life, she was the same with or without me, so why be there? I know I made an impact in her life and she made one in mine, whether it was good or bad it does not matter. I know in mine she made a good impact but also a bad impact on how I now see women in the future.

Off to work 12AM to 9AM. – Good Night